Even though today is a terribly exciting day for me, it is also a sad day for me. Today is the four year anniversary of my mom's passing. This is sad for so many reasons. My mom never got to see any of her four daughters get married. She never got to spend time with her grand kids. She never got to enjoy retirement. We don't get to ask her for advice on raising our kids. We don't get to call her up just to say hi. We get to visit her at the cemetery. We get to tell our kids stories and wonder if they will remember them. We get to remember who she was but not who she could have been (as a grandmother and as a mother and friend when we became adults).
My mom passed away from lung cancer. Yes she smoked cigarettes. That was her choice. We found out that she had cancer only a month to the day that we buried her.
My mom was a special woman. She was compassionate and helpful. She worked with people. Some of those people had done bad things. She always treated them with respect. She said that they were being sentenced and doing their time and that was how they were to pay for their wrongdoings. She said that it wasn't her job to make their time any worse. As a matter of fact, she made their time better most of the time. She gave them someone to talk to. She treated them fairly. She respected that they were another human being. She respected that it was not her place to judge. At her funeral, some of her former inmates came to pay their respects. One girl (I say girl because she is my age and has made a few mistakes, but by no means was she a woman at the time) even buried a necklace pendant with my mom. She said that while she had been in jail, my mom had helped her get through the lonely times and the times when she just didn't know if she could make it through. Not only was she respected by inmates, she was respected by her co-workers as well. At her funeral, there were squad cars lined up for miles. There were so many officers there and they all wore their uniforms. Her pall bearers (which she bravely selected only a few days before she passed away) were her co-workers that she was closest to. Some of them called her "Ma" because she was older than them and she often offered unsolicited advice. The current Sheriff of our county used one of her recipes on his campaign (she saved his life one night shortly before she passed away). She would make full meals for her co-workers. A lot of times, they were fed better than we were.
My mother and Fundi's brother worked together. They set us up. We have them to thank for what we have now. We never would have met had it not been for them. Before she passed away, Fundi let her know that he would take care of me. When I went into the room after he talked to her, her face was lit up and her eyes were glowing. I asked her what she was so happy about and she said that she couldn't tell me.
It makes me terribly sad that I was never able to have my mom help plan my wedding or meet my kids. I wish they were able to call her "Gramma" and give great big slobbery kisses to her. I wish they were able to eat her famous baked beans (my Dad has since learned to make them and can do them almost as well... he even makes vegetarian ones for me).
My mom was the glue for our family. When there were hard times she would try her best to keep us stuck together. When us girls would fight, she would say that she hoped that one day we could learn to love each other and get along (you try and put 4 girls under one roof and see what happens... there are bound to be some fights).
We all miss my mom terribly. It feels like it was just yesterday that we were sitting in her hospital room saying our goodbyes. At the same time, it feels like forever ago. She missed our wedding the year after she passed away. She missed our two kids being born and their growing up.
As she was in the hospital and was sick, she was so brave. I don't know how anyone could possibly face the inevitable with such confidence. I'm sure she was scared inside, but she couldn't let us see that. She was the strong one. She was my hero.
My mom passed away from lung cancer. Yes she smoked cigarettes. That was her choice. We found out that she had cancer only a month to the day that we buried her.
My mom was a special woman. She was compassionate and helpful. She worked with people. Some of those people had done bad things. She always treated them with respect. She said that they were being sentenced and doing their time and that was how they were to pay for their wrongdoings. She said that it wasn't her job to make their time any worse. As a matter of fact, she made their time better most of the time. She gave them someone to talk to. She treated them fairly. She respected that they were another human being. She respected that it was not her place to judge. At her funeral, some of her former inmates came to pay their respects. One girl (I say girl because she is my age and has made a few mistakes, but by no means was she a woman at the time) even buried a necklace pendant with my mom. She said that while she had been in jail, my mom had helped her get through the lonely times and the times when she just didn't know if she could make it through. Not only was she respected by inmates, she was respected by her co-workers as well. At her funeral, there were squad cars lined up for miles. There were so many officers there and they all wore their uniforms. Her pall bearers (which she bravely selected only a few days before she passed away) were her co-workers that she was closest to. Some of them called her "Ma" because she was older than them and she often offered unsolicited advice. The current Sheriff of our county used one of her recipes on his campaign (she saved his life one night shortly before she passed away). She would make full meals for her co-workers. A lot of times, they were fed better than we were.
My mother and Fundi's brother worked together. They set us up. We have them to thank for what we have now. We never would have met had it not been for them. Before she passed away, Fundi let her know that he would take care of me. When I went into the room after he talked to her, her face was lit up and her eyes were glowing. I asked her what she was so happy about and she said that she couldn't tell me.
It makes me terribly sad that I was never able to have my mom help plan my wedding or meet my kids. I wish they were able to call her "Gramma" and give great big slobbery kisses to her. I wish they were able to eat her famous baked beans (my Dad has since learned to make them and can do them almost as well... he even makes vegetarian ones for me).
My mom was the glue for our family. When there were hard times she would try her best to keep us stuck together. When us girls would fight, she would say that she hoped that one day we could learn to love each other and get along (you try and put 4 girls under one roof and see what happens... there are bound to be some fights).
We all miss my mom terribly. It feels like it was just yesterday that we were sitting in her hospital room saying our goodbyes. At the same time, it feels like forever ago. She missed our wedding the year after she passed away. She missed our two kids being born and their growing up.
As she was in the hospital and was sick, she was so brave. I don't know how anyone could possibly face the inevitable with such confidence. I'm sure she was scared inside, but she couldn't let us see that. She was the strong one. She was my hero.
Here are some photos from her funeral. They may be depressing, but that is how I feel about this topic. I'll see sometime if I have a photo of my mom that is scanned into the computer.
Isn't this eerie?
A butterfly landed on the flowers in front of her casket during a prayer.
A photo of some of my mom's co-workers that dressed in uniform for the funeral. They filled almost half of one side of the church.
A photo of our family.
3 comments:
I am sure your mom has been looking down from heaven all this time. she has seen your wedding and your births. You are a very special person and she is so PROUD of you.
Oh. I have tears in my eyes. Andrea, it's obvious that she passed that bravery on to her daughters.
I wish that I had been able to lend you some support or comfort then Andrea. I can't imagine how difficult her passing must have been, and still is for you. This entry is a beautiful way to celebrate her life.
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