Identity Theft and God

Last night's sermon at church related to me in so many ways. The Gospel was about God telling the others on the mountain that in fact they should listen to Jesus because he was here to bring the Good News to all. God exposed the identity of Jesus. During Lent we are called to expose our true identity. Our priest talked for a while about Identity Theft and how people are very concerned with getting their identities stolen. The question was: What can we really define as our identities? Is an identity something that can be stolen? How do we identify ourselves? Do we identify ourselves by our past? Our present? Our mistakes? Our achievements? Our possessions? Of course all of this is what is combined to create our identity. But, how are we doing on our Spiritual Identity? Are we giving enough? Do we pray enough? Do we help others enough? Are we willing enough to serve? Do we take what we learn in church on a weekly basis and make it into something that could be considered follow-through? We are really not able to judge ourselves or others on all of these questions, I think. It is up to God. I think that we can try our best to follow the Word. When we make a mistake, learn from it. But, in the end, I think God is the one who will decide if our Identity is what it should be.

Which brings me to why I can really relate to the sermon: I was in a funk yesterday. Not to say that I have to be in a funk to relate to a sermon. Also, my kids were being held by someone other than me (a good thing considering my mood and their behavior yesterday) and I was able to really dissolve in the sermon and think about everything that was being said and how I could use it in my life. My funk, as far as I can tell, was brought on by the book: Dispatches From A Not So Perfect Life or How I Learned to Love the House, the Man, the Child. A book that seemingly truly examines the roles of Homemaker, Wife, and Mother. Here is my review thus far (only 20-some pages in):

Started this book. It makes me terribly lonely. It hits right on how I feel sometimes. It makes me want to run away. And I'm not even through the first story. I don't know how this is going to go. Will I continue longing for something which I cannot have or will I embrace what I have and be happy with the situation I am in? I guess that is my choice and is probably what the whole book is about. However, lately I find myself daydreaming about my college days. I believe I am remembering them through rose-colored glasses, but I feel like I didn't do enough during them. I feel like a part of me was left behind and a part of me needs to revisit and have closure with them. What if my whole life turns out this way? What if I always look back and think that I would like to live through this time or that time all over again even though I should be perfectly satisfied where I am at this point in time? Good grief.

After re-reading this review, I feel like I am an ungrateful, undeserving, immature little brat. Sure, just like Father said last night, everyone makes mistakes or wonders "What if...?". I just really need to make myself move past this. I love being a Homemaker (even if I am not the best cook in the world), I love being a Mom (even if I lose my temper sometimes or have a bad day), I love being a Wife (even if I can't figure out why Fundi can't see the messes around the house). There is always something in our house to eat--we should be grateful. We are parents and even though our children are not always the quiet, well behaved little beings we want them to be, we are so terribly proud and happy to have them as ours--we should be grateful. My husband always comes home from his long day of work and helps out and he is wonderful to me (not by buying me flowers and candy, but by loving me even in my funk--even after I can't remember my last shower) and I love him dearly-- I should be grateful. And I am, don't get me wrong. I am grateful for everything that God has blessed us with. But, the book questions Identity (although, thus far, not Spiritual Identity) and made me feel insecure with my happiness in the mundane things in my life. I will continue reading it. I am not saying that it is a bad book. It is very well written and I love a book that makes me think or challenges my thinking. This maybe just hit a little too close to home. And yesterday, in my funk, it made me long for things that I wouldn't trade for what I have now... not in this life. I would just like to say I love my house, my man, and my kids. I also love my God.